now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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