Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We need to get me chipped asap
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
