i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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