I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
