so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
3pm strippers are depressing
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
