I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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