The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
