I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
