It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
