hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
