Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drunk is not a location!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
