I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
