Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
