so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
