What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
