we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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