I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
