the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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