I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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