The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
