Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
