Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
