i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
