I need help removing her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
