I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
