I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
