he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
