My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
two words...techno handjob
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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