I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize