i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You are a genius and a whore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
