How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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