Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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