He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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