Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
