your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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