Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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