I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
