dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
