I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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