Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
porn star boner night. come get it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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