i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
