After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i came on her dog
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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