home. puking in laundry basket.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How external is "for external use only"?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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