Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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