sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
