Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
