I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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