It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
