There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
