I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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