Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
