ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
