I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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