playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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