for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
