just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
