you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
