I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
