i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
