i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
