He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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