Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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