Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
