love makes seman taste better
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
