If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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