Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
