i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
