Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
