you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
They have beer where we have blood.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize