bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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