hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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