i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
