I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
