what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
