i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
