would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
