he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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